The Value in Quitting

Why I stopped organizing the deck chairs

Day 70 / 100 #The100DayProject

I’m not a quitter. I’m the one organizing the deck chairs while the ship is sinking. Not that that’s something to brag about, trust me. I keep trying to make square pegs fit round holes. I try really hard. I try even when it no longer makes sense, because I’m not a quitter. But this year’s #The100DayChallenge nearly took it out of me, so, I don’t feel bad at all about quitting on day 86 with the finish line in sight. I feel pretty good about it actually… absolutely liberated, if I’m honest.

I see now that quitting is the challenge, not the daily drawing.

Let’s take an honest peek behind the curtain, shall we?

In the midst of #The100DayChallenge, I’m currently on day 27 of a 30-day hot yoga challenge. In addition I’m trying to: wrap up old and start new client design work; make patterns; pitch my work; practice figure drawing; work on hand-lettering; make mixed-media sketches; catch up on a long-ago paid-for course that expires at the end of June; meditate daily; and last but not at all least, quit sugar. I have an embarrassing 19 books checked out from the library (four of which I’m simultaneously reading) and, I’m watching five shows on Bravo. On top of all this, I work about 30 hours a week for an artist as a Studio Director.

Once a month my friend and fellow artist Kristi and I meet up to discuss our progress and help keep each other accountable for our self-imposed goals. Truth be told, I’m not making progress in any meaningful way (absolutely shocking, I know!). Just a dabble here and a dabble there, but no real forward momentum. Goals keep getting moved from one month to the next.

You can probably see it quite clearly, and I am only beginning to see it myself.

I have spread myself too thin.

In an effort to do ALL the things, I have become a Jack of All Trades, Master of None. I know in my heart this behavior is rooted in fear. I’m afraid if I pick one thing to focus on I will miss out on something else - especially because I don’t have enough faith (trust?) in myself that the one thing I choose is “The Right Thing.” I believe my current habit of surrounding myself with “things” (like multiple art projects, library books, challenges, etc.) stems from a place of lack, not abundance. I simply do not have faith that the things I want will be there for me in the future so I must collect and do them all NOW. This is sad, but also, it feels pretty good to see it for what it is.

After my last catch-up with Kristi two weeks ago, I made this note as a reminder:

The more I thought about simplifying, the more I noticed interesting things happening (thanks Universe!). Specifically, I got hip to the book “Essentialism,” by Greg McKeown - one of my 19 library books. Reading it has been an eye-opener to say the least, particularly this illustration which I think is a clear description of what I’ve been up to (look how proud I am 🥲):

In my “undisciplined pursuit of more” I have completely lost my way. But, by focusing my energy on the thing I determine matters most to me in this moment, then I will see much more progress than if I continue in my current scatter-shot approach. For me, the key to this change in thinking comes in this moment. I don’t have to decide it’s my “Forever,” it’s just my “Right Now.” And that “Right Now” can be one month, three months, six months, or any duration I choose.

So, I’m quitting.

All the things. (well, mostly… baby steps here)

Quitting also means choosing.

À ce moment, I choose to commit to the activities that help me license my work and I’m letting go of those that do not support this goal (except Bravo, I’m not giving up Bravo).

Quitting also means committing. And trusting. These are very hard things for me. I will have to learn to trust that the things I’m letting go of will be there for me at the right time for the right reason.

And so, #The100DayChallenge ended up being exactly the challenge I needed. Plus, I made some pretty good art along the way.